Worship

This past Sunday at church we didn't have a sermon. We only had worship time! I loved it so much. I love when Bryan preaches, but I really needed this extra worship time this week. I've been struggling with some emotional stuff this past week and all that extra worship on Sunday so helped.

It's really hard for me to open with people. Usually Jennifer is the only person that really and truelly knows what I'm feeling. It was even hard to open up to her about this.

My "girl" doctor put me on birth control pills to try to regulate some "girl" problems I've been having. I'm only supposed to have to take the pills for one month. I've been on the pills for 2 & 1/2 weeks now. My emotions are out of control! One minute I'm happy, the next I'm angry. It's just crazy. Well last week I started feeling like I didn't want anything to do with my children. Now if you know me, you know how much I love my kids. They're everything to me. But I was feeling like I didn't want them around me, I didn't want them talking to me. It was getting pretty bad. I was even thinking about calling their dad's and telling them they needed to take the girls for a couple of weeks. I needed a break! It's so unrealistic to think either of my kids could really go stay with their dads. The girls and I are always snuggling with each other, but I didn't even want them hugging me. Well Saturday I was talking to my Mom about how I was feeling and I totally had an emotional break down. My Mom is usually not very good with the "let me hug you and make you feel good thing", but she was awesome this time. She held me, let me cry all I wanted, and just listened to me. She even offered to take the girls for a while. I said no, but I really did not want the girls around me. I don't like being mean to them!

Well on the ride home from Sweetwater, I just started praying that God would help me with these emotions. I started feeling better right away! By the time we had gotten home, the girls and I had made plans to watch Santa Clause 1 & 2 together that night. We snuggled, tickled each other, and just had a lot of fun. I'm still struggling with my emotions being all out of whack, but I refuse to be mean or unhappy with my kids. They're both so awesome. And thanks to my wonderful sister, I had a night alone with Anoe last night, and I'm having a night alone with Alexis tonight.