Tuesday I had to go to Sweetwater for a child support hearing with Alexis' dad, Jason. They haven't seen her since May 5, 2007! At her birthday party!!! And they've only called her three times in the past year. All three time have been in the past month and a half since he's been served with the papers saying we have court in April. Monday night when we were still at Girl Scouts Heather (Jason's girlfriend) called and said there was no way they could make it to the hearing the next day because their jeep is acting up and if I would give them a ride there. The last two times we've gone to Sweetwater for child support hearings I have given them rides. It hasn't been a big deal until now. They were making an effort to be involved in Alexis' life then, and I didn't mind taking them with me. Jason has only been in Alexis' life since June 2004. He dropped out of the picture for about 7 or 8 months after they met and started building a relationship. When they did decide they wanted to be a part of her life I told them that I wanted them to be a part of her life all the time and not just when it was convenient for them. That's not how it works when you have a child! And I totally understand how hard everything is for them. Jennifer would make all kinds of excuses for them and why I should be more understanding. And in the end I always was. They both agreed that they would stay involved with Alexis and apologized and I thought everything would be OK. Then after her birthday party last year they took her with them so she could stay the night. They brought her home Sunday evening and we never heard from them again until last month. I was furious with them! Jason figured out a way to go to Sweetwater at least twice a month when he was living in Dallas to see his son with another woman before they finally got Jayton to go live with them in Dallas. Granted Jayton needed them in his life way more than Alexis. His Mom was really into drugs and very abusive. Alexis doesn't have to deal with any of that thankfully. But twice a month at the LEAST they would figure out a way to go to Sweetwater from Dallas. And they couldn't call Alexis even once a month? And they live in Abilene! And I found out at the hearing that they have made more than one trip to Sweetwater to see Xavier. He's another child of his from a previous relationship. OK, so I'm really upset about all of this.
Well, when Heather called I told her I was at a Girl Scouts meeting and couldn't talk. I told her to call me back later. She never did. I went out to Sweetwater for the hearing and I saw that their vehicle was there. As soon as I walked in she got up and walked over to me and said she needed to talk to me outside. I was like OK, can I check in first? She just started talking! She kept saying she was sorry and that Jason had been in the hospital and he's having to take medication every day now and they've just really had a bad year. She said they've been evicted twice in the past year and have a $897.00 electric bill. And a couple of months ago she noticed a couple of bumps in her right breast, she has a doctors appointment to get it checked out but she's scared about it. And she doesn't have anyone but Jason so if he goes to jail she doesn't know what she'll do. She was crying and telling all this over and over again. I do feel bad for them! I know it's hard for them. They have 3 kids they're taking care of, and she doesn't work. He's supposed to be paying child support for Alexis, Xavier and for Jayton (even though Jayton lives with them, it's a big huge mess!). I don't want you to think I'm being heartless, but I'm not asking them for money! God has always taken care of us! I just want him to be in Alexis' life! A phone call a month would be OK with me. Is that so much to ask? She's an awesome kid.
So, Heather finally starts to calm down and she tries to hug me. I'm so not into hugging people. I'm OK with it if I'm used to you, but I wasn't really comfortable hugging her. She could tell I guess so she just kept talking and telling me the same stuff over and over. Finally she did hug me and we started walking back down the hall so we could wait to be called to the back. They were sitting right next to some people that I knew from when I used to live in Sweetwater. So I started talking to them until they went in.
After my friend went in I was sitting there doing my little sudoku game book that Jennifer gave me when I overheard Jason and Heather talking about this girl Tammy that was down at the other end of the hall. Tammy and I used to be friends before I moved to Abilene. Scott (Anoe's dad) and I had broken up because of his drug problem which is a whole other blog for another time! My grandma died a few weeks after we had broken up and the girls and I went up to Colorado for the funeral. While I was there I did a lot of thinking and decided that I didn't want Anoe to grow up away from her dad, so when we got back to Sweetwater I would talk to him and finally agree to try to work it out. Well when I got back, I found out that Tammy and Scott had been dating (for lack of a better word) and were now living together. I was only gone to Colorado for like a week! It's not like I left for 6 months or anything. So obviously Tammy and I aren't friends anymore. This last year at the BFW I finally was freed of all my anger towards them both. (*Believe me I know this sounds like some sort of trashy soap opera! But I'm so not that person anymore!*) Even though I was no longer angry about everything it was still awkward seeing her again.
My friend came out and sat back down beside me. Tammy walked by and stopped to talk to my friend then started talking to Jason and Heather. Misty, my friend, asked me if I was still mad or whatever about everything and I told her "No, I totally feel indifferent about the whole thing. God totally took away all those feelings last year!" Tammy was standing right there and I know she was listening to what we were saying but she didn't say anything to me. I'm not angry with her but I don't feel I need to try to be friends with her either.
OK, so back to Jason and the child support hearing. They finally called me back. Jason owes me like over $15,000 in back child support. He's paid a total of $723.01 in the past 10 years! The lady said that I could forgive him the $15,000 and start over fresh if I wanted to. The last time we were there, they said if he didn't start making regular payments he would have to go to jail. I asked her about his signing over his rights and what that would do. She said that I would have to hire an attorney, but that he wouldn't have to pay back the money he owes me. He would still have to pay back the State of Texas the $2,100 he owes them though. The lady called for Jason to come in. She told him exactly how much he owed and started asking all the usual questions about how much he makes, where he works, why he hasn't been paying. She told him that I was willing to forgive the full $15,000 if he would sign over his parental rights. He said and I quote "Yeah that's fine. I was thinking about that anyways." Believe me I know what a financial burden this is for them. But isn't she worth the freakin' fight? The lady said I could sign some papers and the back child support would be forgiven with out him signing over his rights. He said he didn't think he would be able to ever pay the full amount of $114.00 a month that he's ordered to pay.
I know what it's like to struggle! I do this on my own every flippin' day! Heather chooses not to work. If they're so broke why doesn't she get a part time job in the evening when Jason is home so he can watch the kids while she's at work? I'm trying to be sympathetic but they need to help themselves too! I know I'm the one that asked about it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I have so many emotions about this it's crazy. I'm mad because he won't be apart of her life, forget the money just have something to do with her. The park is free! He could just take her there, I know he takes his other kids there. I'm sad because he already had it in his mind that this is what he wanted before we even mentioned it. And I'm happy because I know this is relieving so much pressure off of them, and this is a blessing for them! And I'm mad because Heather is the one that keeps apologizing. Why can't Jason be a man and apologize? He's the one that has the responsibility to Alexis, not Heather.
After the hearing my Mom and Symantha showed up at the Courthouse. I was supposed to go over to their house when I was done, but my Mom said that she felt that she was supposed to come up there to see me. I'm really glad she did! I probably would of just come straight back to Abilene instead of going to see her. She let me cry and took me out to eat for lunch. I had a 1:15 appointment with an attorney to see what I needed to do to start the process of him relinquishing his paternal rights. The lawyer was really nice and took a bunch of notes. He said it's going to cost $1,400 to $1,800 to do this as long as Jason doesn't fight anything. Wednesday morning I faxed over the last Child Support Order I had from February 2007. So in 4-6 weeks this whole process will be done.
Tuesday night the girls and I had to go to the grocery store to get some basic stuff. While we were there I decided that I wanted some ice cream. I thought "Heck with the diet! I need something to comfort me!" We walked towards the ice cream aisle and I decided that I was not going to give in to my flesh. But then what's the next thing I see? Limited Edition Girl Scout Thin Mind Ice Cream! Only my favorite Girl Scout cookie mixed with ice cream! I ended up not getting the ice cream, but I did stop and stare it for awhile.
Yesterday (Wednesday) was really hard for me. I just have so many conflicting emotions right now. I keeping praying about everything and I just can't stop feeling so depressed! When I talked to Ms. Judy about it she said that I need to grieve. This is kind of like a death that I need to grieve. I've decided not to tell Alexis what we're doing. I told him he could still see her if he wanted to. I know one day I'll have to tell her, but hopefully not anytime soon. I don't want her to ever feel unloved or that he didn't want her.
Last night when I was praying for peace, I realized that I should be praying for Jason and his family. If this is hard for me, I can't even imagine what it's like for them. I have also decided that I'm going to go over there one day next week when I have some free time to talk to them. I want to invite them to church. They need God in their lives a lot right now. I know this is what God wants me to do, but I need to be able to go over there and not be angry with them or break down and cry. I cried the entire 15 minutes that I was tanning yesterday. Being at church last night to invite people to our church on the 27th really helped though. So many people were requesting prayers for cancer and it made me think about everything. These people are praying to live! And I'm whining because Jason wants to sign over his rights. What the heck is wrong with me? Today has been a lot better, but I don't think I'm ready to face them yet. If you think about it, please pray for Jason and his family!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Baseball
Friday night the girls and I went to watch Mason play baseball. His team did awesome! They won! After the game we had to go over to Cherry's house because I forgot to get an ice chest from her that she was going to let me borrow. Well when we got there, I thought I would just go up and get it. Anoe and Alexis had other plans though. They weren't about to let me go inside and see Cherry, Mason, or Mike without them being able to see them too. (My kids love them!) So anyways, we all go in and Mike and his nephew Taylor are talking to Mason about stuff he needs to work on when he's playing and stuff. I'm really not sure what exactly they were saying, I wasn't really paying attention. After we left the Alexis told me that she felt bad for Mason because they were being mean to him. I tried to explain to her that they weren't being mean, that's just the way guys do stuff. I'm more the type that's like woo-hoo you did awesome. (Even if they lose) So she really had a hard time understanding what was going on. I don't think in any way that Mike was being mean to Mason! They were just more in to the whole thing.
Saturday we went to a Third Day concert before the Rangers game. It was so awesome. They did a couple of new songs that are coming out on their new CD July 29th and some old school stuff. It was just amazing! I really liked it.
The Rangers game was way awesome too. Anoe and I sat with Rachel and the kids from the ESC yellow team. I really like talking with Rachel so that was a lot of fun. I'm usually not really into the whole spending lots of time with kids thing. But I had a blast with the yellow team. I do have to say that Joey was the best though. He was just so happy and content with his peanuts! Rachel got up to take him to go get something and he had peanut shells ALL OVER HIMSELF!!! It was awesome. I got Anoe a frozen ice treat thing that she wanted. We asked Joey if he wanted some and he was like "sure yeah OK". I told him that I didn't have an extra spoon, so would he mind sharing with Anoe. He just shrugged his shoulders and said that it was fine. Anoe ended up moving to sit next to him so they could share better. He was just so sweet with her. Some of the older kids (not necessarily any that were present at the game)are kind of mean to Anoe. I'm sure it's because she looks bigger than 6, but she way acts like she's 6. And she can be hard to understand at times. But Joey was super sweet to her. He even shared some of his peanuts with her. But anyways, back to the game. We did the wave a whole bunch of times. And we got to sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game"! The ESC team left during the 7th inning so I moved over closer to Jennifer and Tony. Jennifer is so not into baseball! She enjoys all the commotion more than anything. I was really into yelling and screaming at the umpires. My throat was pretty sore Sunday morning. The Rangers lost though. But it was still a lot of fun!
Sunday after church the girls and I laid down for some quiet time, but I ended up sleeping for 3 hours! I really thought Anoe would have fallen asleep and taken a nap but she never did. She was super cranky Sunday morning at church.
In one month I'll be in Galveston! I'm so counting down (in case you couldn't tell)!
Saturday we went to a Third Day concert before the Rangers game. It was so awesome. They did a couple of new songs that are coming out on their new CD July 29th and some old school stuff. It was just amazing! I really liked it.
The Rangers game was way awesome too. Anoe and I sat with Rachel and the kids from the ESC yellow team. I really like talking with Rachel so that was a lot of fun. I'm usually not really into the whole spending lots of time with kids thing. But I had a blast with the yellow team. I do have to say that Joey was the best though. He was just so happy and content with his peanuts! Rachel got up to take him to go get something and he had peanut shells ALL OVER HIMSELF!!! It was awesome. I got Anoe a frozen ice treat thing that she wanted. We asked Joey if he wanted some and he was like "sure yeah OK". I told him that I didn't have an extra spoon, so would he mind sharing with Anoe. He just shrugged his shoulders and said that it was fine. Anoe ended up moving to sit next to him so they could share better. He was just so sweet with her. Some of the older kids (not necessarily any that were present at the game)are kind of mean to Anoe. I'm sure it's because she looks bigger than 6, but she way acts like she's 6. And she can be hard to understand at times. But Joey was super sweet to her. He even shared some of his peanuts with her. But anyways, back to the game. We did the wave a whole bunch of times. And we got to sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game"! The ESC team left during the 7th inning so I moved over closer to Jennifer and Tony. Jennifer is so not into baseball! She enjoys all the commotion more than anything. I was really into yelling and screaming at the umpires. My throat was pretty sore Sunday morning. The Rangers lost though. But it was still a lot of fun!
Sunday after church the girls and I laid down for some quiet time, but I ended up sleeping for 3 hours! I really thought Anoe would have fallen asleep and taken a nap but she never did. She was super cranky Sunday morning at church.
In one month I'll be in Galveston! I'm so counting down (in case you couldn't tell)!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
BEACH NEWS!!!
So of course everyone knows how much I LOVE the beach! Well, yesterday I booked the beach house that we'll be staying in for one whole week in June! June 2nd through the 8th to be exact! We even paid for the deposit! I'm so totally pumped! Oh and in one month seven days, I'll be at the beach for the weekend! OK so really I'll be in Galveston starting Wednesday, May 13th. But Jennifer will be there the 16th with the kids so we can have a mini vacation! And my super awesome friend Cherry will also be there!
So the plan is for me to find a boyfriend in May while I'm there, then in 2 weeks later when I'm there for my week long vacation he'll propose! And instead of moving to Clyde this August I'll just move down by the beach! OK so that really won't happen because that would only give us two weeks to get to know each other, but if he has a beach house down there I can just go to visit him once a month until next summer then we really can get married! Except I don't want him to live down there, just close by so that we can go to the beach whenever we want but not so close that it's not as amazing every time we go! And of course ya'll can come visit me any time you need to get away for some nice beach relaxing fun!
*Seriously, I'm just kidding about this whole thing, but I would love to live closer to the beach so I didn't have to drive so far!
So the plan is for me to find a boyfriend in May while I'm there, then in 2 weeks later when I'm there for my week long vacation he'll propose! And instead of moving to Clyde this August I'll just move down by the beach! OK so that really won't happen because that would only give us two weeks to get to know each other, but if he has a beach house down there I can just go to visit him once a month until next summer then we really can get married! Except I don't want him to live down there, just close by so that we can go to the beach whenever we want but not so close that it's not as amazing every time we go! And of course ya'll can come visit me any time you need to get away for some nice beach relaxing fun!
*Seriously, I'm just kidding about this whole thing, but I would love to live closer to the beach so I didn't have to drive so far!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Answers
You know how sometimes you pray and pray and pray for something? And then when God gives you the answer you've been seeking it's totally not what you thought it would be? I know God has the perfect plan for me and my life, but dang I would be lieing if I said I didn't get frustrated that the answer wasn't what I was hoping for!
On to other stuff in the wonderful world of Amanda...
I have officially fallen in love with jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon! They are so bloomin' good it's almost ridiculous. I bought a deep fryer a couple of weeks ago, and I am planning on finally using it for the first time this week. I'm going to attempt to make an awesome blossom! And make some jalapenos in the oven. Not exactly the healthiest of meals, but I'll just walk a little extra or something.
I've been walking 3-4 nights a week. My usual routine is to walk around the playground, up by the pool, over around the basketball/tennis courts, and then back around to the playground again. I do this little route four times, which I think maybe hopefully comes to about one mile. I'm really not sure, but I'm going to say that it's super close to a mile. Anyways, Sunday I did 6 laps instead of my usual 4! Then Sunday evening I thought the girls could play at the park for a little bit and I could walk 4 more laps. Well, Anoe is totally into basketball right now. So she went straight for the basketball court and started bouncing her ball. I asked her if she wanted to play for a little bit and she got really excited about it. Alexis decided that she wanted to play too, and this other little girl "T" wanted to play too. So it was Alexis and Anoe against me and "T". It was so much fun! We weren't just throwing the ball either, we were actually running up and down the court! Nothing like the NBA of course, but still I was running! Anoe started feeling bad for me because "T" and I were losing. "T" didn't really like the whole running thing so she would just walk back and forth, and she couldn't quiet make the ball go into the basket and I was of course trying to let Anoe and Alexis win. (I'm a good Mom like that. OK fine Alexis was just really good! Dang there's no need to badger me!) So anyways, Anoe was feeling bad for me, so her and "T" traded teams so Anoe could help me win. Anoe's really good at dribbling, and traveling, but not so good with making baskets. And Alexis was like full force not letting me make a basket without her trying to steal the ball away. Anoe and I lost the game. And my sweet Anoe was so upset. I told her we would call her Uncle to see if he would come and play with us sometime this week. He could be on her team and Alexis and I would be on a team. I'm pretty sure Anoe and Joey will win that game. Joey's tall and skinny and has lots of energy so it'll be nothing for him to take on Alexis. And Anoe I will just dribble the ball whenever we make them give us a turn.
Last night Jennifer came to town with us, and we all went to watch Mason's game. It was so much fun! Xander started dancing for us during a little break. It was so flippin' awesome! I really wish I would have had my phone with me so I could have recorded it. He does some break dancing mixed with robot dancing, it's just awesome.
So if you read Jennifer's blog then you know that the New Kids on the Block are having a reunion tour. I just can not tell you how pumped I am about this! I have Hangin' Tough as a ringer on my phone! And I plan on getting The Right Stuff on my phone today! Oh! I also have the theme song from Saved By The Bell! I know everyone's going to be asking me where I got such cool ringers at. But I just can't share my secret right now. If I did, then everyone would have the same ringers, and what fun would that be? OK, maybe with a select few I'll share my secret.
Last subject! This past Saturday Alexis' Girl Scout troop went on a trip to Primetime to spend some of the money they earned from selling cookies this year. I was a little weary about taking 8 girls to Primetime for 3 hours. It ended up being awesome! They have this all day package, that included 33 attractions for $99.95. We got one of those, then some of the girls wanted to bowl and some wanted to golf, so we spent about 45 minutes doing that, each girl got a card with $5.00 on it so the could play arcade games, then we bought 6 more rides on the go karts. We were supposed to be back at the Girl Scout Hut at 3:30, but we didn't even leave Primetime until 3:30! Thankfully I didn't have to come back to Clyde. There were enough seats in the other leaders car that all the girls were able to ride back with her. So Alexis and I went back inside and went to the 3D Theatre thing. It was so much fun. We also played a few more games in the arcade and shared a hamburger. I would so recommend going to Primetime for a treat! It was just so much fun! They also have this package where you can have 3 hours of unlimited fun for $25.00. You have to have at least 10 in your party though for that.
I think that's everything that has been happening in my life for the past 2 weeks. We're going to a Rangers game this Saturday, so I'm sure I'll have stuff to blog about next week. Anoe and I have been practicing on our "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" song too!
On to other stuff in the wonderful world of Amanda...
I have officially fallen in love with jalapenos stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in bacon! They are so bloomin' good it's almost ridiculous. I bought a deep fryer a couple of weeks ago, and I am planning on finally using it for the first time this week. I'm going to attempt to make an awesome blossom! And make some jalapenos in the oven. Not exactly the healthiest of meals, but I'll just walk a little extra or something.
I've been walking 3-4 nights a week. My usual routine is to walk around the playground, up by the pool, over around the basketball/tennis courts, and then back around to the playground again. I do this little route four times, which I think maybe hopefully comes to about one mile. I'm really not sure, but I'm going to say that it's super close to a mile. Anyways, Sunday I did 6 laps instead of my usual 4! Then Sunday evening I thought the girls could play at the park for a little bit and I could walk 4 more laps. Well, Anoe is totally into basketball right now. So she went straight for the basketball court and started bouncing her ball. I asked her if she wanted to play for a little bit and she got really excited about it. Alexis decided that she wanted to play too, and this other little girl "T" wanted to play too. So it was Alexis and Anoe against me and "T". It was so much fun! We weren't just throwing the ball either, we were actually running up and down the court! Nothing like the NBA of course, but still I was running! Anoe started feeling bad for me because "T" and I were losing. "T" didn't really like the whole running thing so she would just walk back and forth, and she couldn't quiet make the ball go into the basket and I was of course trying to let Anoe and Alexis win. (I'm a good Mom like that. OK fine Alexis was just really good! Dang there's no need to badger me!) So anyways, Anoe was feeling bad for me, so her and "T" traded teams so Anoe could help me win. Anoe's really good at dribbling, and traveling, but not so good with making baskets. And Alexis was like full force not letting me make a basket without her trying to steal the ball away. Anoe and I lost the game. And my sweet Anoe was so upset. I told her we would call her Uncle to see if he would come and play with us sometime this week. He could be on her team and Alexis and I would be on a team. I'm pretty sure Anoe and Joey will win that game. Joey's tall and skinny and has lots of energy so it'll be nothing for him to take on Alexis. And Anoe I will just dribble the ball whenever we make them give us a turn.
Last night Jennifer came to town with us, and we all went to watch Mason's game. It was so much fun! Xander started dancing for us during a little break. It was so flippin' awesome! I really wish I would have had my phone with me so I could have recorded it. He does some break dancing mixed with robot dancing, it's just awesome.
So if you read Jennifer's blog then you know that the New Kids on the Block are having a reunion tour. I just can not tell you how pumped I am about this! I have Hangin' Tough as a ringer on my phone! And I plan on getting The Right Stuff on my phone today! Oh! I also have the theme song from Saved By The Bell! I know everyone's going to be asking me where I got such cool ringers at. But I just can't share my secret right now. If I did, then everyone would have the same ringers, and what fun would that be? OK, maybe with a select few I'll share my secret.
Last subject! This past Saturday Alexis' Girl Scout troop went on a trip to Primetime to spend some of the money they earned from selling cookies this year. I was a little weary about taking 8 girls to Primetime for 3 hours. It ended up being awesome! They have this all day package, that included 33 attractions for $99.95. We got one of those, then some of the girls wanted to bowl and some wanted to golf, so we spent about 45 minutes doing that, each girl got a card with $5.00 on it so the could play arcade games, then we bought 6 more rides on the go karts. We were supposed to be back at the Girl Scout Hut at 3:30, but we didn't even leave Primetime until 3:30! Thankfully I didn't have to come back to Clyde. There were enough seats in the other leaders car that all the girls were able to ride back with her. So Alexis and I went back inside and went to the 3D Theatre thing. It was so much fun. We also played a few more games in the arcade and shared a hamburger. I would so recommend going to Primetime for a treat! It was just so much fun! They also have this package where you can have 3 hours of unlimited fun for $25.00. You have to have at least 10 in your party though for that.
I think that's everything that has been happening in my life for the past 2 weeks. We're going to a Rangers game this Saturday, so I'm sure I'll have stuff to blog about next week. Anoe and I have been practicing on our "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" song too!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Life
I recently finished reading two really good books. The first one I finished Saturday evening and the second one I just finished this morning. They're both written by Khaled Hosseini. The first was The Kite Runner and the second was A Thousand Splendid Suns. They were both extremely good, but extremely hard to read. Not in the sense that the words were hard, but emotionally hard. The Kite Runner was a lot easier to read, but really opened my eyes to what the Afghanistan people have had to go through over the last 30 years. I always thought that all Afghans hated Americans. Like they were taught to hate us from the time they were babies. And they were all in favor of the Taliban. I know this is so untrue now. There's innocent men, women, and children dieing over there. And some of the people that joined the Taliban really didn't believe in what they were doing, but joining the Taliban when they first took over Afghanistan was the only way for many of them to feed their families. I know it's horrible for me to say that I thought they were all anti-America, but I really had never thought about all the innocent lives that were being lost over there. A Thousand Splendid Suns was so extremely hard for me. I can't even tell you how many times I cried while reading it. What these women have had to endure, saddens me so much. It really helps put into perspective just how great we have it here in America! I get upset/depressed because I'm struggling to make ends meet, but these women are struggling to stay alive. Their husbands beat them, starve them, lock them in rooms, just whatever the basically want. So many women were giving their children to orphanages just so their kids could have food and clothes. So many take for granted the freedoms we have. We are so lucky to live in such a great country. I know our country has it's faults, but we(women) don't have to fear for our lives if we have an abusive husband and want to leave. We're just so lucky!
Kids are my weakness! I'm totally not a "kid" person, but I hate seeing or hearing about a child that is hungry or mistreated. I just want to take them home with me and show them that life is not supposed to be that way. They're supposed to worry about stuff at such an early age. I've felt for awhile now that my calling in life is to one day be a foster parent for these kids that need love. I've never really wanted to tell anyone about it because I'm afraid people will think or say that I'm crazy. I'm struggling so much right now with just my two kids. But I really think that if this is God's plan for me, then it will totally happen. Maybe not within the next couple of years, but eventually. Every child needs to know that they're loved, and feel that they're protected.
Kids are my weakness! I'm totally not a "kid" person, but I hate seeing or hearing about a child that is hungry or mistreated. I just want to take them home with me and show them that life is not supposed to be that way. They're supposed to worry about stuff at such an early age. I've felt for awhile now that my calling in life is to one day be a foster parent for these kids that need love. I've never really wanted to tell anyone about it because I'm afraid people will think or say that I'm crazy. I'm struggling so much right now with just my two kids. But I really think that if this is God's plan for me, then it will totally happen. Maybe not within the next couple of years, but eventually. Every child needs to know that they're loved, and feel that they're protected.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Doctor's visit
I had a doctor's appointment today. I kept thinking of all kinds of reasons to cancel! I found out a couple of weeks ago that Trish wouldn't be the one to see me today. She's on vacation this week, and she's leaving this particular doctor at the begining of next month anyways. I so do not like change! So of course having to see the other doctor instead of Trish was freaking me out. And I wasn't losing as much weight as I thought I should have been this past month. The first month I lost 15 pounds. And I kept checking myself at Jennifer's and I had only lost 5 pounds this month. I was really upset about this! I was like what's the point here? I'm hungry all the blooming time, I don't really get to eat what I want. And for what? 5 measly pounds? I thought I should be losing 15-20 pounds a month! Well I went in today for my appointment and I have lost another 9 pounds. I was like well OK, I really need to try harder next month. When the doctor came in he told me that my goal should be to lose 4-5 pounds a month so I am doing great! That made me so happy. I'm going to have to come up with a better eating schedule though. There's been a few times that I've only eaten once a day and I went 2 days without eating once. So my new plan is to still eat whatever I want for breakfast, a moderate healthy lunch and either a salad or some fruit at night if I'm hungry. I'm going to buy a whole bunch of healthy snacks to keep at work with me, so when I'm feeling hungry I will have something healthy to snack on instead of gorging on a cheeseburger and fries from Sonic instead of waiting to eat a salad at home. Yes I know Sonic has salads, but seriously why get a salad when a juicy cheeseburger and an order of salty crispy fries could just as easily be ordered? I so don't have that kind of self control. I also plan to start cooking more at home so I don't have to eat out as much during the week. Monday night will still probably we "easy" night. Like the kids will have pizza rolls or kid cuisines after girl scouts, but then hopefully on Wednesday when I get home from Life Group I'll be able to cook something easy and fast for lunch the next day. And make enough so the girls can eat it Thursday night before Anoe goes to girl scouts. Since it's starting to get dark later, Alexis can play at the playground and I'll be able to walk around the makeshift track at the elementary. The real test will be when I'm out at my Mom's house. For some reason I have the hardest time sticking to anything when I'm out there! It's not that they're constantly pushing food on me or anything, I really don't know what it is. No, I think I do actually. My Mom and Symantha are constantly snacking on something. And not healthy stuff. There's always some kind goody laying around. Of course a major reason my kids love being out there! There's always plenty of chocolate.
One more thing I want to work on is my attitude towards Anoe's eating habits. Any time she sees someone else eating or even thinks it's more than an hour since she's eaten she wants to eat! This is totally a bad habit I have taught her. When she was a baby anytime she would cry I would just give her a bottle instead of trying to see if she needed/wanted anything else. And now it's a horrible habit! I'm totally not going to put her on a diet or anything, but I am going to start limiting the amount of food she is allowed to have. It's not the she's really overweight or anything, but I don't want her to have to deal with it later.
OK so if you would please pray for me that I'm able to actually make all these changes in my life that would be great! I don't want these changes to be temporary either, I want this to be a total life change. This is the longest I have ever stuck to a diet plan, and I know it's going to get easier with time! Hopefully anyways.
One more thing I want to work on is my attitude towards Anoe's eating habits. Any time she sees someone else eating or even thinks it's more than an hour since she's eaten she wants to eat! This is totally a bad habit I have taught her. When she was a baby anytime she would cry I would just give her a bottle instead of trying to see if she needed/wanted anything else. And now it's a horrible habit! I'm totally not going to put her on a diet or anything, but I am going to start limiting the amount of food she is allowed to have. It's not the she's really overweight or anything, but I don't want her to have to deal with it later.
OK so if you would please pray for me that I'm able to actually make all these changes in my life that would be great! I don't want these changes to be temporary either, I want this to be a total life change. This is the longest I have ever stuck to a diet plan, and I know it's going to get easier with time! Hopefully anyways.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Anoe for President
This morning when we were watching the news Anoe and I had the funniest conversation!
Anoe: Mom, I wish I could be a prisoner when I grow up.
Me: A prisoner? (I pronounced it slow so she could understand what I was saying)
Anoe: Yes, a prisoner!
Me: A prisoner is someone who has done something wrong, and they have to spend time in prison because they're bad.
Anoe: No! I want to be a prisoner!
Me: Anoe prisoners are usually bad people that live in prison or jail.
Anoe: Then why do vote for them?
Me: Oh! You want to be a President?
Anoe: Yes, that's what I said!
Me: Oh OK, I'm sorry.
Anoe: The only rule I'll make is that everyone can do whatever they want, as long as they aren't bad and kill anyone. And they don't eat a lot of candy because it's not healthy and Mrs. Caffey says you have to eat healthy food.
I told her I would definetly vote for her if she runs for President when she grows up. Eating healthy food is very important, and hey as long as you don't kill anyone you'll do just fine!
Anoe: Mom, I wish I could be a prisoner when I grow up.
Me: A prisoner? (I pronounced it slow so she could understand what I was saying)
Anoe: Yes, a prisoner!
Me: A prisoner is someone who has done something wrong, and they have to spend time in prison because they're bad.
Anoe: No! I want to be a prisoner!
Me: Anoe prisoners are usually bad people that live in prison or jail.
Anoe: Then why do vote for them?
Me: Oh! You want to be a President?
Anoe: Yes, that's what I said!
Me: Oh OK, I'm sorry.
Anoe: The only rule I'll make is that everyone can do whatever they want, as long as they aren't bad and kill anyone. And they don't eat a lot of candy because it's not healthy and Mrs. Caffey says you have to eat healthy food.
I told her I would definetly vote for her if she runs for President when she grows up. Eating healthy food is very important, and hey as long as you don't kill anyone you'll do just fine!
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