Giving it ALL to God

I've been an emotional wreck the last few days. Here it is 12:30 in the morning and I'm still up! Anyone that knows me, knows I think everyone should be in bed asleep by 9:30 at the latest. Let me give you a little background history so you can better understand what is going on in my head. My oldest daughter, Alexis, was diagnosed with Dyslexia when she was in the first grade. She had to retake first grade. It absolutely broke my heart that she didn't pass to the second grade! I felt like such a failure. I've always thought of her as being perfect and having above average intelligence! She's wonderful in math, but anything to do with reading is really hard for her. She's in third grade this year. Last year at the end of the year we had an "ARD" meeting. We, as a group, decided that Alexis would need more one-on-one time. She was currently receiving 90 minutes a day. She now has someone who is able to come in the room and help her anytime she wants or needs it. She's actually gone to other "special" classes more than she's in her classroom. She goes to Dyslexia, Reading, Lab, and spends "spelling" time with another teacher. She does however get to go to lunch, P.E., and music with her class. I know it's not her fault that she has such a hard time with school, but sometimes I get so frustrated helping her sound out words that most first graders are able to read with no problem. I never intentionally say anything about how frustrating it is around her. But of course she is able to sense my frustration and I know she hears me talk to my sister about it all the time. Here in Texas, all 3rd graders have to take the TAKS test and pass it to be promoted to the 4th grade. I have been stressing about this so much! Now that you have some background info...

This past Thursday morning Alexis and I got into an argument over some stupid candy canes. I told her to put them in her backpack twice but she never did it. As we were about to leave to go to school, I saw them sitting on the kitchen table. I told her since she was unable or unwilling to do as I asked she would not be allowed to take the candy canes to school. Instead her cousin Kalista could take them to her class. After Jennifer talked to me, Alexis got to take them to school, but we still left each other that day angry with one another. I've been so stressed with the whole TAKS test, I haven't really been very nice to be around! So on our way to work (my sister and I carpool) my sister and I started talking about what was bothering me. She made me realize that a lot of the problem is ME! Alexis can so tell when I'm frustrated! So she of course, being the wonderful child she is, tried harder which makes it harder on her so I in return get even more frustrated!!! It's just a horrible cycle that never ends. My sister told me that I have to have FAITH in Alexis! And instead of concentrating on what she can't do, I should praise her more when she is able to read something. Even if she doesn't get it right, just let her know how proud of her I am for at least trying!

Like most people I really didn't want to hear what she had to say. I thought to myself "Easy for her to say, she doesn't have to worry about this kind of stuff" right then when I was thinking that, I thought "Yes she does! She worries about Xander all the time!" (Xander, her son, has been diagnosed with a slight case of autism) OK so I felt bad for thinking that, but I still didn't want to hear it. Later that day we had a hearing in my office. Now just picture this: You're sitting in a waiting room waitinf for the Judge to call you back about your eviction hearing and the Court Clerk keeps smiling at her, but is crying! Yeah I just totally lost it. I kept praying God would have mercy on this young woman and her children. I've NEVER felt like crying while praying before. So that really freaked me out too. I usually don't feel bad for people when they come in for eviction hearings, but this time I just felt totally different.

The rest of the day was pretty emotional for me! Until I realized what I had to do! I had to give everything over to God! I don't need to worry about the TAKS test! I'm not saying I'm not going to practice with Alexis, but I have FAITH in God! I also have faith in Alexis, I know in my heart even if she doesn't pass the TAKS test she tried her hardest. And what more can a mother ask?

I really and truly feel like a huge burden has been lifted off of my shoulders! I'M FREE!!!! God is so great!

I will continue to pray for Alexis and would appreciate it if you would too!