Worship

This past Sunday at church we didn't have a sermon. We only had worship time! I loved it so much. I love when Bryan preaches, but I really needed this extra worship time this week. I've been struggling with some emotional stuff this past week and all that extra worship on Sunday so helped.

It's really hard for me to open with people. Usually Jennifer is the only person that really and truelly knows what I'm feeling. It was even hard to open up to her about this.

My "girl" doctor put me on birth control pills to try to regulate some "girl" problems I've been having. I'm only supposed to have to take the pills for one month. I've been on the pills for 2 & 1/2 weeks now. My emotions are out of control! One minute I'm happy, the next I'm angry. It's just crazy. Well last week I started feeling like I didn't want anything to do with my children. Now if you know me, you know how much I love my kids. They're everything to me. But I was feeling like I didn't want them around me, I didn't want them talking to me. It was getting pretty bad. I was even thinking about calling their dad's and telling them they needed to take the girls for a couple of weeks. I needed a break! It's so unrealistic to think either of my kids could really go stay with their dads. The girls and I are always snuggling with each other, but I didn't even want them hugging me. Well Saturday I was talking to my Mom about how I was feeling and I totally had an emotional break down. My Mom is usually not very good with the "let me hug you and make you feel good thing", but she was awesome this time. She held me, let me cry all I wanted, and just listened to me. She even offered to take the girls for a while. I said no, but I really did not want the girls around me. I don't like being mean to them!

Well on the ride home from Sweetwater, I just started praying that God would help me with these emotions. I started feeling better right away! By the time we had gotten home, the girls and I had made plans to watch Santa Clause 1 & 2 together that night. We snuggled, tickled each other, and just had a lot of fun. I'm still struggling with my emotions being all out of whack, but I refuse to be mean or unhappy with my kids. They're both so awesome. And thanks to my wonderful sister, I had a night alone with Anoe last night, and I'm having a night alone with Alexis tonight.

Good Morning Baltimore

There are times that I seriously wonder if Jennifer really does love me. I mean I know she does because we're sisters, but does she really CARE about me and what I feel? For example, she doesn't mind pointing out that I really don't know how to fix my hair very well. Or a couple of weeks ago when I was having a really stressful morning, she so nicely pointed out that I would look so much better if I were to put some make up on. All those doubts I had, are so out the window now! My ringer when I call Jennifer the song "Good Morning Baltimore" from the Hairspray soundtrack plays! I love that song. I'm always singing and dancing to it. OK well I do it a lot at home where no one can see me acting crazy. But anyways, Jennifer knows how much I enjoy the song. So at least for now I have no doubt that she loves me for how cool I am.

Nothing really

I really don't have anything to blog about, but I'm in an extremely good mood! I love days like today. The weather is cold and it's cloudy and kind of dreary looking outside. I just love it. I finally got my check from BCRAC Monday. I am way pumped about that.

This past Monday at our Girl Scout meeting I talked to the girls about sending a care package to a soldier that has little to no support. The girls LOVED this idea. What's even better is that the parents LOVED the idea. Some of the parents actually talked in length to me about this. There have only been two of the mom's/grandmothers speak to me more than just to say hi, what does she need to bring, and bye. Everyone is excited about this. And this gets to count as our service project which is extremely awesome. Anyways, Monday night the girls made the soldier we're sending stuff to some cards. They're all awesome. And today I mailed them off along with a package of goodies for another soldier that my girls I are wanting to support while he is gone. I was told by Ann that they should be coming home in late January. I would really like our troop to take on another soldier to send packages to even after these soldiers are home safely.

Oh and yesterday was a day that could of put me in overload! (Please also notice the lack of exclamation marks in this post Jennifer) Anyways, 3 GOOD movies came out on DVD yesterday. Harry Potter, Lost Season 3, and High School Musical 2. I love them all. My girls are giving my Lost Season 3 for Christmas so I'll definitely have to go buy it this week while it's still on sale. Why do they have to release good movies so close to Christmas? I'm sure it's all in their evil plan to make us spend more money. But they're not going to make me. Oh no, I have self control.......until I get to the store and see the sale price anyways. I'll at least try not to buy them. OK well I'll try not to think about them. Oh who am I kidding? I'm so buying them. I'll just give Anoe High School Musical 2 for a Christmas present and Alexis Harry Potter. Now they're justifiable buys. Yay me!!!

Weird stuff

Anoe has this really weird habit of saying good bye to inanimate objects when she has to leave them. Whatever little toy she brings in the morning for the drive to school, she literally has to kiss it good bye before she gets out of the car. Well this past weekend I was actually child free for awhile. I went to Target to get some laundry soap and stuff while the girls were gone. While there I decided I would go ahead and get us all new toothbrushes. Alexis needed a new one because she didn't like the one the dentist gave her and I've been a really bad Mom and haven't gone to the store to get her a new one. (OK so really I'm not a bad Mom, but it really is hard for me to remember to get a toothbrush for her when no one else needs one.) So anyways, I went ahead and just got all of us a new one because it's so much easier to remember to pick up three toothbrushes in March than to pick two up in February and one in March. Sunday when I told the girls they each have new toothbrushes Anoe was excited because her new one has Dora on it. (again) I took the old ones and was about to throw them in the trash when Anoe said "No wait! I have to say something first." I was like OK whatever. She laid them all down on the counter and picked up my toothbrush first and said "Good bye Mommy toothbrush" and gave it a kiss. Then she got Alexis' toothbrush and said "Good bye sissy toothbrush" gave it a kiss and did the same thing to hers. When she was done I just grabbed them and threw them in the bathroom trash can like it was no big deal. Anoe totally looked sad and told me she was sad that I threw them away. To make her happy I told her she could open her new toothbrush and brush her teeth if she wanted. She smiled really big and said OK. As far as I know she hasn't thought about the old toothbrushes again. This kid is so full of love, sometimes it's a little freaky.

Growing Up

Everyone is talking about how much their kids are growing up. I'm trying super hard to ignore all the "signs" of Alexis getting older. Every time I turn around though it's being thrown in my face! Seriously can't she just be OK with being my little girl forever? Is that really so much to ask? I mean I did extremely well when we had to go buy some training bras. (Don't tell Alexis I told you about that. She gets embarrassed when I talk about that.) I even took it in stride when she was having friends call her and they would talk for long periods of time. And laugh over nothing. I was OK with all of this. Kind of anyways. Yesterday Alexis informed me that she was invited to go skating this Friday with her friend Hayley from school. Tuesday was Hayley's birthday and instead of a birthday party she wanted to go skating with some of her friends. I was totally OK with this. I called Hayley's Mom to confirm that Alexis would be allowed to go. Her Mom said Alexis could stay the night with them since we live in Abilene and it would be hard for me to come back out here to get Alexis when the were done skating. I asked her when she thought they would be done and the Mom said "I was planning on picking them up from the skating rink around 10." My little brain had a really hard time comprehending this statement. I just told the Mom that I would be able to pick her up but thank you for offering to let her stay the night. When we got off the phone it took me awhile to realize that Alexis had been invited to her first "girls night". The girls were going to be dropped off at the skating rink. As in the Mom's were not supposed to stay and make sure nothing bad happened to them. What if there was a horrible stampede accident and Alexis got ran over. Who would be there to make sure she was OK? Who would be able to dry her tears and give her hugs and kisses in case she got hurt?

After talking to Jennifer about this today, I'm pretty sure I will allow Alexis to go. And no I will not be hiding in the shadows watching her. Alexis really does deserve to have some big girl time without Anoe around. And since she's started school in Clyde she really hasn't been able to hang out with any of her friends. When she used to go to Taylor, she would stay the night with her friend Shaq and they would go walk around the mall or something fun like that.

Please pray that my heart is able to take Alexis pulling away from me and becoming a young lady instead of a little girl. I'm so blessed that she's being raised totally differently than Jennifer and I were. I don't have to worry about her doing any of the things I was doing at her age.

Stuff

It's really been awhile since I last posted. Not that much has really been going on. I LOVED the snow we got for Thanksgiving. My kids and I went outside and had a snow ball fight Sunday afternoon. We had so much fun. I'll try to get the pictures posted as soon as possible.

This past Saturday Anoe and I went out to Sweetwater to help my Mom with the Gooney Golf Course they're making. I have to say this is one of the best memories I have of spending time with my Mom. Usually my Mom is kind of mean and I really don't like spending a lot of time around her. Especially if Symantha's not there to keep her under control. Anoe and I got there about noon and we went straight to the lot where my Mom was doing something. After about an hour or so Symantha called and asked if I would mind bringing Anoe over so Anoe could help her get all the Christmas decorations out of the attic. So I took Anoe over to Symantha and went back to the lot with my Mom ALL BY MYSELF! Yeah I was pretty nervous about how things would end up. At least with Anoe there I was able to be sidetracked most of the time so I couldn't get my feelings hurt or anything by my Mom. When I got back my Mom and I just started hanging the plywood and putting insulation up and all kinds of cool stuff. We had so much fun! It was great. We got A LOT of work done and had a good time. During our breaks we talked about all kinds of things. Nothing deep or life changing, but just about everyday stuff. I really feel like I know a whole other side of my Mom now. And I'm totally excited about this new side of her. I'm seriously looking forward to going back out there weekend after next. There's also a church in Sweetwater that my Mom wants to try out, and I'm going to go with her weekend after next.

My cousin Audrey who I have posted about before got saved about a month ago and this past Sunday she was baptized at the church she attends in Sweetwater. Jennifer and I went church with my cousin and aunt Sunday so we could watch the baptism. It was so great! I'm so happy that my cousin has given her life to the Lord!

One other thing. I really need prayers! Before I got this job working for the J.P. here in Clyde, I was the admin assistant for Big Country Regional Advisory Council. Pretty much we handled federal money and divided it up between all the different counties in the Big Country. When I left BCRAC they asked if I would still do the website for $125 a month. I said yes and this past summer they raised the amount I get paid to $225 a month. I still have not received payment for the work I did in October though. I've emailed the Executive Coordinator several times, and he's left me a message on my phone saying he would get the check out right away. That was last Monday though. And I still haven't seen the check and he won't respond to my emails. I really don't know what to do. So if you could please pray that this situation resolves it self soon that would be great!