The New Year

Yay my first blog of the year!! Even if it is nearly two weeks into the New Year! I've been pretty busy. This last week has been an emotional roller coaster for me! I was really sick Saturday and Sunday. Everytime I ate something I felt like throwing up. I couldn't really eat anything (and keep it down) until Tuesday evening. So of course I over did it because I was so blooming hungry.

To add on top of not feeling well, I've been doing a lot of thinking about my past and the things I've done. I've repented to God and Alexis for a lot of stuff I did wrong when she was a baby. I've never really thought about repenting for all that stuff because I didn't have God in my life then. But in reading another persons blog I learned that I had to confess it all and let God heal all the hurt that came with confessing. I've cried myself to sleep a lot this week.

To most people this next one is kind of weird. My kids who are 9 and 4 (soon to be 5 next Thursday Jan. 18) have always slept with me. Now they're sleeping in their own room without fighting with me! Which is great, but also heart breaking. I've been single so long, and even when Anoe's dad and I were together, I'd still go to their room to be with them or let them sleep in bed with me when he was "out". So I'm having a really hard time dealing with the emotions of them growing up and not needing me as much.

To make things even worse, a friend of mine were talking last night over dinner about a friend of hers that has custody of her neice because her Mom died. Well she was telling me about how CPS took her neice away because she had beaten her severly with an extension cord and was just abusive to her neice as well as her own children. My heart literally breaks anytime I hear about a child being mistreated like that! (Not to mention that I'm really very sensitive to stuff! I get depressed all the time for stuff I see and hear about in the news!) To make this depressed feeling even worse, Anoe's dad Scott, called to tell me about something he had seen on T.V. that happened to a little 11 month old little girl that really upset me. He knows this kind of stuff upsets me, so why call to tell me that? It's not like we're dating or trying to work things out. I'm standing firm that I want him to be in Anoe's life if he can get his act together, but other wise I have absolutely no use for him!!! So last night, Alexis kept trying to console me but I was just crying uncontrallably! I'm so blessed to have children that will come and give me hugs and kisses and tell me how much they love me while I cry like a baby! They even got up this morning without fighting! I love my babies!!!!!!!

But a bit of good news is that Alexis brought her report card home yesterday! She made all A's and B's except for in Reading, she made an 78. But I'm way happy and we're going out to celebrate!! YAY for Alexis! She's so awesome. So is my Anoe! I really need to get better about blogging instead of holding everything in for weeks at a time then just exploding!